The streets of La La Land gleamed in the autumnal sun. It reminded me of one of those vivid nightmares Paxil users experience– a world lovingly cloaked in yellow fear. But this was no nightmare, and the feeling in the air was anything but pleasant as I drove down the avenue headed for Walmart for the entire street was blocked off by the electric company at work on the lines, so I had to do some slick negotiating to get my ass out of there.
Arriving at Walmart I realized a new power had taken hold; a power of time-travel, supported by modern-day medicine. Within the confines of the pharmacy, a pale-faced pharmacist in a crisp white lab coat presided over a pseudo-religious altar of vials containing the latest Covid drug; Moderna Spike Vax 306F34B.
“We have here the most potent Moderna drugs known to man,” he said, looking me square in the eye. “Which arm would like it injected into?”
His voice had the tone of one long accustomed to the grave implications of such a decision: a right arm for protection, a left for pleasure and gain. I chose the latter, without hesitation.
“Right on!” I replied, knowing that the injection of Moderna into my left arm may be the only thing standing between me and a hellish night in La La Land. He nodded approvingly and I felt his needle sink into my bone. The sensation was fleeting and unusually pleasurable, like a splash of 30 weight motor oil on a sweltering summer day.
When I returned home, I lit some incense to mark the occasion with an air of serenity. Little did I know that what lay ahead for La La Land would be far from tranquil– it was a journey that would both test my resolve and remind me of the power of modern medicine.
‘Well, it’s not your typical rolling adventure out here in L.A., let me tell you that much. I pull up to my abode, and sure enough, somebody thought they’d go ahead and make a mountain out of a molehill; my drive was completely closed off by some sort of construction work. I wasn’t in the mood to fight it, so I skulked about a bit until I found an opening to slip through, then took off on foot with my mongrel beast, heading straight for the nearest park.
Our five hours at the park came and went, and I felt no worse for wear, no wicked fever or dry heaves. Truly a blessing. As night began to settle in, I washed it all down with a healthy dose of vitamins, some Krill oil, and plenty of good ol’ H2O. Just another day in LaLa Land, nothing to write home about. At least no one was getting killed… this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment